Flirting with Empty Promises

Drink of the day:  Shitty mocha from the coffee thingy at work
Soundtrack of the day:  Kitty scrambling across the floors of the new place

Yes, that’s right, I’m back and in a new place!  Woo hoo!  Got my interwebs hooked up tonight, but ran across a small problem while trying to do the tv.  So, no tv and sleeping in the living room for me yet.

So yeah, the funny thing is…How you can write about being so incredibly frustrated with someone, then when you see them your heart goes all squishy and so on, and mere hours later, they walk out of your life.  I just don’t understand. It’s been five days and I don’t feel any better…If anything, I feel worse with every passing day.

New job, new place, grad is over and done with (therefore, I never have to have anything to do with that terrible excuse for a school ever, ever again) and yet, the one person I wanted to share it all with, left.  I accomplished absolutely no unpacking on Sunday.  I returned his truck, and all the new beginnings sort of feelings hit me, and I didn’t want any part of it.  I honestly wanted to curl up on the (probably) mouldy carpet of my old apartment, cuz that’s where he’d know to find me.  How completely pathetic is that!?  I didn’t want to leave that place, there were memories there.  There aren’t any here, and you would think that would make the moving on part of things easier.  I can’t look in that corner over there and remember that time he stood there and told me how cute I looked, or when he stood awkwardly by the kitchen sink drinking a glass of water the first time he came over.  Saying goodbye to that place also meant saying goodbye to spatial memories of drinking rum and watching X-men cartoons with a friend, or an awkward night of watching Sweeney Todd, wrapped in blankets on another night of loss.  I didn’t return to the new place that night until well after 10 pm.  Instead of returning home to unpack, I went to a little shop, had a lovely mocha, and a good visit with some wonderful ladies I know will always be there Sunday afternoons.  With new beginnings, I needed something old and familiar to patch a tiny hole in what feels like a gaping abyss in my chest.

Today, I am fairly proud of myself.  This is the first time I’ve cried all day.  My job is awful for that, I’m on my own for the majority of the day.  I had a good chat with one of the articling students though.  She’s very nice, and made me feel good when I told her of my current plan to return to school before it’s too late.  She reassured me that I could do it, and if I needed any help, or just some advice, that’d she be happy to speak with me.     This was the first time I’d really spoken to her and it made me smile.  One of the lawyers has told me something very similar.  I quite like her as well.  Many of the people in the office are really helping me to feel a part of the place.  It’s nice.

But, I think I’m going to find some sweat pants and take a drive.  I don’t feel like being here right now, cross your fingers my car starts.  If I had tv, that might be different.  I will post again soon.

luv, L

Drink of the Day:  London Fog; Blackberry Merlot
Soundtrack of the Day:  Rufus Wainwright

Hello again lovely and dear readers…

So, things have been super crazy busy for yours truly lately.  Let’s see….I quit working at Corporate Canada Hell.  Sorry, wasn’t so fun while it lasted.  I did thoroughly enjoy my “exit interview” however.  On to bigger and better things for this here girlie.  And by bigger and better, I mean a three floor law office.    That’s right, I have a real job now.  Unfortunately, it’s not quite what I was hoping for, but hell, it’s a steady paycheque, and that’s about all I care about.

Things with the Boy are up and down.  I hates it when you really really care about someone and they can piss you off to the point where you just don’t give a shit anymore, and are one more disappointment away from saying eff off and don’t come back, but then you see their damn blue eyes and your heart goes all squishy, and you lose your short-term memory.  Blarg, it’s frustrating.

Due to an interruption from the Mum, this post has taken a very long time.

Hmm, what else.  I have my “grad” tomorrow, but we don’t really care about that.  Then I’m going home to watch my baby brother play football.  Then back up here on Sunday to move me!  That’s right, I’m out of this horrible mouldy apartment!!!  Yay!

Anyway, I think my food is actually done.  It also took a long time due to not turning the oven on hot enough and wondering for a 1/2 hour why my squash wasn’t cooked before realizing it was 100 degrees lower than it should have been.

Luvs, L

P.S.  Magic Erasers truly are a gift from higher powers.  ^-^